Dearest Bali

Dearest Bali,

It’s my last break. It is also my last day in the night shift, the only shift I’ve worked in since i started in this company. Come Monday, i will be coming to work in the morning and then clock out early in the afternoon. I will also be moving back to a department i used to work in. Big changes for all three of us (your mom is moving to a slightly later shift and will be working on heart surgeries exclusively now), but all good changes for you. For example, i will now be the one to pick you up from school. But the thing that you are more excited about is it will be mommy who’ll drop you off in the morning. It’ll be way earlier than when it’s me (I sleep around 3-4ish AM, so i usually shove Cookie Swirl C to you with my eyes closed when you wake up around 6am so i can get extra sleep that always result in you being really late for school). I’m sorry, love.

I remember having a conversation last week with a couple of coworkers about my impending transfer. They were wondering how i was feeling about all this. They, as most people that know me here, think that it seems counter-intuitive that a person would choose demotion and give up on the chance of earning and learning more, of personal growth in a field with wider horizons. They asked me if i am not worried about my self-esteem, my ego and whatnot. I paused for a bit, shrugged, took a puff from my imaginary cig, and answered that “at the moment, my daughter don’t need any of those from me.” What you need from me, more than anything else at this stage of our lives, is my time.

Yes, as some parents we know did, we could have set you up with somebody to pick you up from school and drop you off to one of your mom’s relatives and pay them to babysit you until your mom gets off from work, but your mom and I do not want that for you. A large part of my childhood and youth was spent with different relatives because my folks went overseas. While my relatives were, in general, nice to me and my younger brother, I still would choose us to have grown up with our parents around had our circumstances were different. My folks didn’t have a choice. Yours have. Because you are lucky enough to have a mom that has a great career and can give you everything you need and want.

While it is saddening / disappointing looking inward, one of my bosses said the best encouragement. He said he would’ve done the same and that while we do live in a monetary world, there are things that are still more important than money. And me and your mommy being there for you at all times as you grow is definitely one of them.

Nagmamahal,

Tatay

P.S. — My superiors and coworkers gave me a surprise farewell dinner tonight. People chipped in cash for it but what’s more touching is that even my coworkers who usually don’t join in in stuff like that were there. Now that’s another thing that is precious in this universe, anak. It is called Appreciation.